


if my heart was a compass you'd be north

by rocketshiptospace



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-25
Updated: 2013-12-25
Packaged: 2018-01-06 03:15:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1101731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rocketshiptospace/pseuds/rocketshiptospace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The four times Gavin was insecure about his relationship with Burnie and the one time he wasn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if my heart was a compass you'd be north

**Author's Note:**

> secret santa present for dave (gavirn on tumblr (sorry i still don't know how to add direct links here :( ))
> 
> original prompt: gavin/burnie—something darkish focusing on the dark aspects of their relationship and the anxiety and stress that comes along with it.
> 
> so yeah basically i decided to make it all gavin angst? i hope that's ok with you, have a happy christmas buddy <3

1.

Gavin has always thought love was stupid. Love was for teenage girls who fell head over heels for the quarterback, love only existed in those stupid romcoms his sister insists on watching, love was for the idiots who hadn't experienced the world yet.

But then he met Burnie.

And well, his opinion on love didn't really change. At first. But then he realized he really liked spending time with the older man, talking about video games or working on red vs. blue (one night, Gavin is working on something _that has to be finished, it has to, it has to,_ but he falls asleep and wakes up the next morning and realizes that Burnie has taken the controller out of his hands, turned off the game, carried him over to the couch and covered him in a blanket.

Gavin thinks that if this is love, he's ok with that).

So falling in love is easy, because Burnie's not someone to hide it when he really likes someone and Gavin sort of naturally goes along with everything and for awhile it's easy. There's no commitment and no stress, just a sort of 'hey i like you and you like me too and we're having fun, so that's cool and stuff.'

But then the summer ends and Gavin flies back to England and well. _Well._

Life without Burnie is weird. Because despite the fact Gavin had been fine alone all those years, he has gotten strangely used to having Burnie around and now he's not around anymore and who's going to kiss his temple and tell him he's an idiot and who's going to tell him he's doing great and that he's amazing when he feels like everything is falling apart?

They still talk, over the phone, via Skype, but it's different.

Because Burnie's not there when all his friends leave him and the only one left is Dan and Gavin feels alone, _so alone._

So when Burnie calls and offers him a job, he doesn't even think about it, just says yes, because Rooster Teeth is his life and he can be closer to Burnie again and _yes._

And that's the start of the worst period of Gavin's life.

Because getting a visa turns out to be harder than thought and every time he speaks to Burnie he sounds a little bit more stressed and a little bit more desperate and Gavin feels like the floor is disappearing from under his feet.

He has pretty much already accepted that he's never ever going to Austin, that him and Burnie might not work out in the end.

He tells Burnie as much over the phone and Burnie's voice cracks when he tells him it's going to be ok and that they're going to get him over here and 'it's all going to be fine, we can do it Gav, we can totally do it.'

They miss the April deadline. Gavin's world shattered. It's the first and last time he ever cries himself to sleep.

But he holds tightly on to his last straw, his last change: the SlowMoGuys.

And it works. Gavin gets green light on the visa and he feels like crying and screaming, but instead he calls Burnie and when Burnie picks up Gavin hears his voice crack again and he's crying, but this time they're happy tears.

\--

The plane lands and Gavin runs off it, straight into Burnie's arms. He's home.

 

2.

The other thing about Gavin and love is that he never ever had a serious relationship.

But know he's with Burnie and he spends most of his time at Burnie's place (Burnie offered Gavin to life with him after he came here but Gavin refused, saying they needed their space to get their relationship properly going) and it's wonderful really.

Until one day he realizes that most of his stuff is already at Burnie's place and he actually hasn't been at the Ramsey's house in like a week and he's pretty sure Geoff and Griffon have forgotten he was living with them in the first place.

He has moved in with Burnie without even realizing it and he needs a minute to take it all in.

Because it's like it suddenly realizes how serious their relationship has gotten. He is in an actual serious relationship with Burnie and Burnie probably imagines spending the rest of his life with Gavin and _oh my god._

He takes deep steady breaths in an attempt to keep calm but it's not really working. He had never expected to be so close with someone, so intimate, so happy.

And he doesn't know what to do.

Gavin doesn't think about his life too much. If he did, he would probably laugh forever because his life is _ridiculous._ The weirdest and coolest things always happen to him and he knows that if he thinks about it too much he'll get sad about it _because he doesn't deserve any of it._

And the same is with his relationship with Burnie. He doesn't think about it because when he does he will realize Burnie is way out of his league, that he doesn't deserve Burnie, because Burnie is awesome and kind and handsome and-

"Hey Gav, look I made you some tea, you look like you could use it." Burnie says, breaking Gavin out of his thought process. He smiles up to Burnie as he takes the mug and the older man presses a kiss to his forehead before sitting down and focusing on the TV.

"So, what we watching?"

Gavin breathes in deeply, taking in the scent of Burnie that seems to hang in the air and realizes he doesn't really care about where he lives or what he does.

As long as he can share it with Burnie.

 

3.

Gavin isn't a jealous person. Never was, never will be.

But they're at a party right now and Burnie is talking to all these beautiful women in long pretty dresses that show off a lot of cleavage and well.

Gavin doesn't really enjoy himself. So when one of the woman leans a little bit _too close,_ he grumbles and turns around, heading straight for the drinks table.

Burnie and the stupid beautiful women won't miss him anyway.

It's not that he's worried Burnie will leave him for any of those women, after all it's pretty clear Burnie is very much gay. It's just that those women steal Burnie away from him and he likes spending time with Burnie at parties like this because Burnie always either comes up with really stupid ideas or they'll judge all the people attending together and it's fun.

But now Burnie is talking to those stupid women who keep hanging all over him and touching him and ugh.

Suddenly someone snakes their arms around Gavin's waist and Gavin let's out a (very manly, mind you) squeak.

It's Burnie (of course it is). "Come on, let's go draw dicks on the walls of the toilet. I brought a sharpie."

Gavin laughs and follows Burnie to the bathroom.

The women have moved on to their next prey. Gavin doesn't really care, at least he has his Burnie back.

 

4.

Gavin always thought the Rooster Teeth community was pretty chill. For some reason he always got the vibe from the fans that they really didn't care about what kind of gender you were or what your sexual preference was or what you skin color was.

But the internet is still the internet and people are a bunch of douche bags on the internet.

So there Gavin is now, a few minutes an RT Life got uploaded in which Gavin and Burnie pretty much come out as a couple because of some unfortunate camera work (the scene was shot in the kitchen and at one point you can see a glimpse of Gavin and Burnie kissing in the background). They hadn't noticed their mistake until after it was already uploaded and people started pointing it out.

It's not that Gavin cares that they've been outed, he's happy with Burnie and he's pretty sure Burnie's happy with him and that's all that matters.

Except he never expected these kind of comments.

They keep flooding in, page after page. They're not all mean or gross, some are kind, congratulating them, or slightly over enthusiastic, but those slip Gavin's mind because all he sees is _hate hate hate._

He doesn’t deserve Burnie, he's not good enough for Burnie, he should leave, he should leave it all behind, he should just go because no one wants him here, no one needs him here.

He's a useless piece of shit and he needs to leave because everyone will be better off without him. He'll take the first flight back to England and live with his parents for awhile, until he finds his own place. He can maybe get a job at the supermarket he used to work when he was younger, or maybe something else, he'll find something.

But he needs to leave because right now he's just weighing Burnie down, he's limiting Burnie from being the great wonderful man he can be and _he needs to leave._

The sound of the laptop slamming shut shakes him from his thought.

It's Burnie, looking sternly at him and disapprovingly shaking his head. "You shouldn't read those things, Gav. There rubbish and shit and they're all lying and you shouldn't read them."

Gavin doesn't even realize he's crying until Burnie leans over and wipes his tears away. "No. No, Gavin, you're not going to let them get you down, ok? You're better than them, you're so much better than them and you need to remember that, ok?" Burnie says, pulling him into a hug.

Gavin nods. "I love you."

Burnie fondly smiles and presses a kiss to Gavin's forehead. "I love you too, Gav."

 

+1

It's a big step in his life. It's important and at the same time it isn't, because he's already pretty sure what Burnie's answer is going to be. But still, as he's standing in the hallway, waiting for Burnie to get ready for their night out, his hand closes around the little box in his pocket and he's shaking on his legs.

"You cold?" Burnie asks, walking into the hallway to see Gavin shaking.

Gavin makes a weird head movement that can be taken as a yes or a no and Burnie decides to drop the subject.

As Burnie is pulling on his shoes, Gavin thinks about what he's about to do. About the commitment he's going to make and how long the road was that got him at this point and how important this is for him, for them.

And suddenly he realizes he doesn't want to do it in some fancy ass restaurant they've been like twice. He wants to do it right here, in the house that was such a home to him when he first moved here, the house that contained the only man he will ever love.

So while Burnie is wrapping a scarf around his neck, Gavin suddenly sunk down on one knee.

"Oh shit, Gavin, you ok?" Burnie asks worriedly, thinking Gavin had fainted.

"No, yeah, I'm fine." Gavin says, grabbing Burnie's hand. Burnie suddenly seems to realize what's happening and sharply breathes in.

"Gavin.."

"No, no, let me finish first. You can say whatever you want afterwards, but first you need to let me finish speaking."

He takes in a deep breath.

"Burnie, I love you, and I owe you so much, because you made my life better, Burnie. You gave me Rooster Teeth, you gave me a home, and most importantly of all: you taught me how to love.

And throughout the past years of our relationship, throughout all the ups and downs, I realized I need you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

So, dear Burnie Burns, will you marry me?"

Gavin fumbled around in his pocket and pulled out the little velvet box, revealing a simple silver band.

Burnie grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him up, laughing. "You little idiot. I was genuinely worried about you there for a sec, you know that? Gosh, you're so weird."

There was a silence for a second while Gavin looked at Burnie expectedly.

Burnie smiled and gave Gavin a soft kiss. "But yes, of course I will marry you."

They never made it to the restaurant that night.


End file.
